tell your sister to shave her snatch
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
