Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
