I'm so fucking centered right now
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
