Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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