New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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