I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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