I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
