Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
50% drunk capacity currently
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
