They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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