Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
