You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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