did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
