We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
