if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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