I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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