Christians are straight up FREAKS
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
