Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
