I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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