Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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