I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
