There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
