You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
