Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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