Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
