Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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