shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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