Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
