your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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