there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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