WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
