i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
