I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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