thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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