the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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