He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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