I can text with my tongue
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
