My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
