I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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