he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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