Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
