You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
