Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
