just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
