He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize