i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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