Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
