i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize