Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
