If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
