So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
