how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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