I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
