Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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