This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
