Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
