the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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