when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
