We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
