Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
