This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
