Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
