well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
