Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize