i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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