She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
