Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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